diflucan before antibiotics or after

Get your sexy hands on the NEW Femme’s Guide

Please click and buy now! Thanks–(you will thank me later after Goddess size shots of empowerment, validation, bright ideas for dating, getting laid and housekeeping, plus Shartini cocktail recipes not to mention the cruelty-free gravy for the morning after) In other words, I love you.

Guys Get Pocket P*ssies but Whatta ’bout the Gals?!

Love, Life & Sex: The Sqweel laps up orgasms for women. On this episode, a listener says guys get all the pocket pussies but why don’t the women get a tongue version? She asks: What’s Up with THAT? Shar scares Swirl host Michelle Meow with a tongue vibrator called The Sqweel. Michelle confesses she wants it wetter and Shar tries to explain lube to Meow or suggests she tries it on her nipples. Listen in to LAP UP the fun.Click here to see Michelle Meow‘s curiosity get the better of her.

Michelle Meow wants to Know What Toys to Get

Listen in to this episode of Love, Life & Sex, to hear Swirl Host Michelle Meow fess up. She lets Shar know how high and dry the Meow Kitty Condo has been. She has a new romantic interest and needs Shar’s help (desperately) to fill her catbox with all the right toys. Love, Life & Sex: What’s the Right Tool for the Job?

The Femme Conference: What We Really Want to Know

Listen in to this week’s Love, Life & Sex We are talking Femme Fashion.

Of course at the Femme Conference 2012, we discuss classism, racism, visibility, parenting, environment, transphobia, sex, bondage and a whole lot more! Every room is full of strong opinions

BUT what is the one place we ask advice?

Listen to the show to find out the Shar Rule from The NEW Femme’s Guide to the Universe that might end up going down in history as the most quoted fashion advice besides Tim Gunn’s “Make it Work.”

(This originally aired on Swirl on August 4th, 2012)

Fast Cars, Fast Sex, Fast Me

I was flying down Oakland hills, hair swirling in the wind, skillfully dodging pot holes, eyes darting to the clock, radio blasting this afternoon to make my target on time: the 3:00 school bell toned as I walked up the stairs to the playground.

Only moments before, in my mind I was aggressively wrestling the steering wheel of a race car but in reality it was the mini-van Jackie got us when our family went from 3 to 4. I love to drive fast. I love to drive a challenge. I time how long it takes to get to places–just for fun–and I try to beat my own time. When I drive and there are those yellow signs suggesting how fast you should go (like the speed limit is 55 but it’s suggested you go 35 around this curve) I push it to see what speed I have to go. There’s everybody else and then there’s me.

Once the kids are in the car I am the conservative tortoise behind the wheel. whaaa whaaa. Good Mom.

Isn’t driving about the Great Sex days?

Not just “parking” (which by-the-way used to be synonymous with making out or having sex) but also sex while driving. Just that perfect hand-job while you giggle and then moan, one part of your body wanting all the attention while you fight to divert enough attention on keeping your eyes open and foot steady! Or sex while someone else drives. Personally I do not understand giving a BJ because I would worry about my head hitting the steering wheel, but that’s me.

I think parents when they are finally out of the house without the kids need to have some car sex. Put that mini-van backseat to better use than a pile-up of soccer balls and sweatshirts on a bed of crushed cheezits and cheerios!

Driving is sexy. I guess I relate it to my father who was a notorious speed demon and also a sexy man and pretty cocky to boot. My mom hated his driving as it gave her a nervous breakdown. There was a family joke about his thigh being bruised from her squeezing it so hard when he drove.

Riding with Daddy just gave me an adrenaline high. I loved it. Jumping hills, passing cars, racing trains (not over the tracks but beside them on the road), and driving really really fast on old 2-lanes rarely manned by cops. And let’s face it. He partied with the sheriffs so if someone would have ever stopped him I doubt that he would have gotten a ticket. I replicated all it before I was a mom. Even drag racing as a teenager  in my dad’s 1977 Trans Am.

Now the race-cars have to wait but my children do not. I can get to the school–and not hit the holes–faster than any mom there.

Harnessing Pleasure

Click HERE to listen to my answer on Love, Life, Sex

Dear Femmepress Shar–

I am a 47 yr old ftm who adores his sweetheart. My girlfriend loves being fucked with a strap-on [harness with dildo], but I am unable to feel anything when I use one. I’ve got both a leather harness and a Spare Parts harness, but neither one “hits” me in the right spot. Now, of course, I don’t need to get off every time I f*ck her, but it would be awesome if I could feel physical pleasure at the same time– you know? I have friends who rave about the spare parts harness, but I can’t seem to keep it secured close enough to my body– which also creates an issue of not feeling like I have great control of my cock.

I’m wondering if a different type of cock—if there is one—would be helpful? Something that curves back towards my tiny penis?



Dear L,

Thank you for writing with this very important question. Your sweetie sounds like one lucky lady. First off let’s start with your harness. The SpareParts Joque harness does have rave reviews–that’s why you got it. But I have to say it’s kinda like Trains, Planes & Automobiles of harnesses. Velcro, big elastics, little elastics, tiny clamps, pouches, rings, and curtains!!


The good news is they did all this to make folks comfortable. These designers took comfort and wearability serious! You can wear this bad boy all night. But you do need to fuss with it to get it right.


1) ALONE, with all the lights on, in front of a mirror–OR two–adjust your harness and get it snug and right for your body. Familiarize yourself when you are not in a sexual setting.


2) Set the big straps to fit you. There is a lot of velcro going on and folding, figure it out and get it your size.

3) Set the legs straps to fit you.

**At this point, you should be able to take it on and off without setting it again. It has elastic so that it can be pulled on so that one does not have to do this major adjustment each time.**

4) Put any cock into it. Now you are ready to tighten up.


5) Experiment with the smaller straps.

There are 2 “pull straps” that you can give a tug on while you are in the act or in the dark to get your fit snug.


The Joque goes well under clothes as there are no big metal buckles or leather that cuts into you. This harness rides low so the cock-ring can be in a good spot.
There are little curtains (my word) to cover up the base of the dildo if you feel your hair being pulled when you are fucking.  If you don’t mind shaving downstairs, try shaving then placing the base  directly (sans curtains) over your penis. ( to those with clits over your clit) Does that feel good to you? The pounding and pumping with the silicone directly on you can feel awesome and do the job for many folks.

You could put a vibrating cock ring on your dildo, that oftentimes pleasures both partners.

If that doesn’t do the trick, SpareParts has another surprise: there is a little pouch that can hold a silver bullet vibe or vibrating egg.

Last but not least you asked about dildos. Regarding your idea of a base with a little nub or ledge coming back at ya–HELLO attention toy designers. What a great idea. Send your prototypes to me and I will get them to L. There is the nexus by Vixen which is good if you enjoy penetration in your bonus hole. The nexus does have a little ledge for outer stimulation for the wearer.

So that’s hopefully some fun homework for you. Let me know if any of it works!



Here’s what I copied from the SpareParts Website so read on if you want the details: “This vegan hand-made harness is designed to be comfortable and convenient. With a velcro strap that adjusts in a snap, the SpareParts Joque Harness easily adapts to your size and shape. Fashionable and flexible, the front piece includes a built-in elastic o-ring that can accommodate toys up to two inches wide. Double dildos, dildos (flared bases) and even external vibes can be placed in the pleasure pouch. Perfect for packing, the mesh-lined backing allows for breathability with all-day wear. Get wet in this hardware-free harness! With no metal parts to rust, you can use the Joque as a jock while playing water sports. After getting down and dirty, this washable harness can be cleaned by hand or in the machine.”

Hey Dr. Feel Good–Fix My Hysteria, yeah right there….

Move over Smithsonian! There’s a new museum to write home to mommy about. Mistress Mommy that is. San Francisco’s beloved, notorious and yes legendary Good Vibrations opened The Antique Vibrator Museum. Already creating a stir, or shall we say a national vibe  some of the antique vibrators from the turn of the century can be seen in the new film “Hysteria”, a major Hollywood film starring Maggie Gyllenhaal and Rupert Everett in a Victorian-era romantic comedy set around the creation of the vibrator with Good Vibrations co-presenting the premiere. And the movie title has it right—vibrators were promoted as cures for women’s hysteria. Take a look at the happy, pleasured women in the vintage product’s marketing. “Sex Sells” isn’t just a new notion after all.


Good Vibrations founder Joani Blank started her vintage vibe collection decades ago with the stores housing them in loving cases. But they never had one home of their own with the glamorous displays deserving of museum artifacts and now they do. GV staff sexologist and founder of The Center for Sex and Culture, Dr. Carol Queen explains, “We are delighted to showcase our collection in a dynamic, historic, and entertaining display at our Polk Street retail location.  The new exhibit contextualizes the vibrators’ role in society and highlights how our attitudes around sex and female pleasure have evolved.  It really gives us an appreciation for how far both society and technology have come, and it’s fitting to house the exhibit in the original female-friendly adult retail store.”

Talk about a “Night at the Museum” you might want something a little more up to date for your adult toys. No worries–the new models still cure what ails you.

If you aren’t planning a trip to SF Pride anytime soon, maybe you are close to Boston? The Good Vibrations in Brookline has some of the antique vibrators on display. Tell them Shar sent you!

Become a Drop-By Darling

Or Landing (for the Drop-By)


Love, Life & Sex as seen in the SF Bay Times

by Shar Rednour


Got extra Tupperware? Drop it by!

Where I grew up people dropped by. “We were runnin’ around and thought we’d drop by.” My parents and I would be out looking at tractor hitches at TSC (Tractor Supply Company) then mom would say, “hey honey, would you drive by Jeannie’s? I wanna see how’s she doing. Her husband hurt his back, or her cousin got Lupus or, or…”  Any number of bad things happen.

Out here in California, we say “challenging things” and don’t admit they’re “bad.” Bad relationships, cancer, jobs, HIV, family problems and last but not least our pets die.

Somehow, out here in California, I gathered Drop By-er friends. I say “somehow” because I didn’t do friend-entrance-exams at The End UP or Faster Pussycat!  –

What happened to dropping by? Did everyone used to when they were young? Maybe it isn’t midwestern after all, is it age? People got too busy?

Is it technology? With no cell phone, one drops by to ask a favor, or tell a story in person.

Drop by even if you look messy. I AM Femmepress Shar so if I say this then take heed! Who cares if your mascara is runny.

Got extra Tupperware or made too much soup? Drop it by. If you hear a story, recipe, inspirational thought a friend would like drop by to tell them.  Bring them an orange.


My friend Smeeta drops by with a teabag in hand. I bring hot water out to the porch and we chat while watching the baby sleep in the car, then she leaves in 20 minutes. Drop bys don’t have to be long.


Go places with someone else. Do you know someone who also goes to the doctor on Tuesdays? Yoga on Wednesdays? Maybe they used to go but now you don’t see them? I learned from my mom to drop by and find out what happened. Maybe they will get inspired to go again if you offer to go together.


When someone is going through hard times, bring them ice cream, validate them, ask questions, offer advice and give hugs. Do this even for the person who’s eternally optimistic, who insists “I’m fine” even though they got dumped, fired or their cat died because that’s who will unexpectedly try suicide.


Always hug and tell people that you love them even if it embarrasses them. Who cares.

When we’re in the middle of worrisome times—wondering when the phone will ring with biopsy results—it’s much nicer if you are chatting with a neighbor watching East Bay sunsets while the kids do cartwheels or (The City folk) sipping hot cocoa enjoying a foggy afternoon.

Some of my friends only see each other at 4 hour cocktail parties that have to be planned. I tell them, “come hang out for a few minutes—don’t wait for the perfect moment!”

Life is short and fragile. If someone is important to you, you must let them know. Drop by, drop in, and drop the formalities!

My Brazilian went South–Not in a Good Way

Dear Femmepress Shar–

I am about 40-ish, I will say, and have been married for 12 years and I am a very busy mom. I recently got a Brazillian to make my husband happy. I have never done this before.
We are from a country where the women and men have more traditional roles and my poor husband, I am kinda a tomboy –I do not wear much make-up but I think I look good. I get no complaints, right? So I do this for the first time–
And now I have a discharge! I think I got something but how could that be?? I told him this is not how it is supposed to be, we are supposed to have hair down there. I don’t know what’s going on.

Please Help

PS: though I should say it DID make him really happy (smile) and we both had a great time in bed afterwards.

Dear Kathy–

Bravo for trying something new to make your partner happy. NOW some might say “Oh no she is changing herself for a man” but I say to that “change the genders and see what you would advise? We wouldn’t think a thing for a man to go to Good Vibrations and ask for help pleasing his woman? And us queers, well crap, we’ve got givers and takers and I hope ya all mate as 2 givers together and let the takers sit at home to play video games–but that’s a different lecture. 

Anywhos-ville like I was saying


 Bravo for being open-minded to try something new. But you are right –we do have hair for a few reasons and *protecting our privates from the friction between our legs* is one of those reasons.


I do not think you have an infection.
I think that your body is responding to friction by creating natural lubrication which is a discharge but not an unhealthy one.

Another possibility is that you have had this much discharge before but it was normally caught in your hair and now that you can feel and see every drop so it seems like more than it is.


Unless it smells bad and is off color, I wouldn’t worry.


What I would do is wear loose clothing, leggings under skirts instead of underwear, do not wear jeans or at least tight jeans especially if you are going to be sitting all day. 

Now that said, don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater. You can do a brazilian again. My advice for future bald soirees  in your lady garden–is for you to be a, uh, smooth operator only on occasion.

Many women do it all the time–good for them. But If you only do it now and then you will stay very sensitive–in a GOOD way–as you experienced every touch is electric, you might be able to climax faster or bigger, you might feel naughty and extra sexual. You partner thinks its hot and when he doesn’t get that all the time, it stays super hot. A happy surprise.


If your extra lubrication is because the friction is making you not irritated but simply HORNY then masturbate more and/or get those kids to the babysitter and have some hot dates with your man.

Love, Life Sex on Swirl

Do you like listening more than reading? I am posting the answers to my readers questions after the radio show airs. Swirl Radio features Michelle Meow and is super fun and it’s informative. You can listen to my segment alone or the whole show.

photo by Smeeta Mahanti